Capitalising on the seven day internet silence of Pattaya Times founder American Drew Noyes some wag is now promoting a new anti-virus programme that, I guess, beats as it sweeps as it cleans.

With the files in Pattaya Provincial Court now overflowing with pictures of the man himself with the U.S. Ambassador to Thailand, the Mayor of Pattaya City, top police and immigration officials, the virus programme, Drew B Gone is being heralded as the ultimate noyes abatement product, which could be applied to deal with all fake US lawyer viruses.

The manufacturers are understood to be currently working on a second product ‘Awa-an-Bile-yer-Heid-Brian’ due to the surfeit of fake Scots lawyers in Thailand, including Messrs  Brian Goldie and Goudie, which will be an extension to the general U.K  product targeted at struck off lawyers, called,  ‘Bu-Ger-Orf-British-Law’. This product was launched in the Thai resort of Pattaya as well.

A spokesman for AVG producers of Drew B Gone said: “We expect excellent sales.

“We are targeting Embassy officials, Ambos, civic leaders, senior police and immigration officials, young girls, Filipinas, senior citizens with investment and housing issues, and health and beauty clinics, Alzheimers victims and native Americans.

“Future versions of our software ‘Detecto-Extorto’ may even allow  buyers to detect the Drew Virus even before it arrives allowing them to take the appropriate action.

“We are really excited about our new Scottish product which is a bi-product of ‘Get-Tae-Fuc-Bampot'”


Pappa sign replaced. This is part of the complex Noyes
boasts to prospective buyers has a sea view, pool and tennis courts

Phones in our offices were buzzing from shortly after 3 p.m.. Lots of police. cameras etc.. And somebody’s collar being felt outside the premises of PAPPA and Noyes’ One Stop Service Center.

The drama however was a television one only. Crew from India I believe.

The first three units are occupied by a 7/11 – The last two belong to PAPPA and One Stop Service Centre.

Pappa sign up


  1. The increasing humour in this site illustrates AD's growing confidence, whilst his speculation about likely strategies by his opponents in court is a shrewd move. You can forget about the British embassy taking up the cudgels in a court case unless pressed heavily by politicians in London. The very mention of the name AD over the years has caused many an official to choke on his cornflakes. As regards the honours system, I am thinking of adding a codicil in my will to pass my boxed MBE to AD – assuming he survives me which is not 100% certain – provided he wears it at all his later court cases. It is made of strong metal and can withstand many years of wear and tear.

    1. The increasing humour? Well I think it maybe because I am chuckling at the thought of Goudie translating 'Bile yer heid' and other such things for a further libel action.

    2. But Barry while I have had a colourful relationship with the more civil servants and consular types at the Embassy there has never been a shortage of inside sources who tell things as (they see) they happen. This of course drives paranoia.

  2. The Bollywood film being produced is about an Indian chap who read that the Thai government was going to confiscate his house because it was in a company name. What you are seeing there is the finale of the movie, where the Indian Embassy intervenes and police act fast to stop him signing over the deeds to the One Stop Service Center..

  3. I'm probably not the only one waiting to see the next move from these reprobate's. If you follow the Thai media and read Thai you see they heavily use satire and modified photos. Just about every second edition of Matichon has a Photoshopped picture on it of some politician.

    Goldie has bought all this ridicule on himself. If he was just posing as a former Marine or lawyer, you could just write him off as another wannabe or Walt that patrols the expat bars of Thailand. The facts are he has misrepresented himself to gain financial advantage.

    Thai Law has borrowed a lot from English law and it is interesting to read the British Fraud Act of 2006.

    "Fraud by false representation" is defined by Section 2 of the Act as a case where a person makes "any representation as to fact or law … express or implied" which they know to be untrue or misleading.

    ## Like claiming to be a lawyer or Royal Marine etc.

    "Fraud by failing to disclose information" is defined by Section 3 of the Act as a case where a person fails to disclose any information to a third party when they are under a legal duty to disclose such information.

    ## Like forgetting to disclose the fact you are a former convicted fraud with a long history of lies and deception.

    "Fraud by abuse of position" is defined by Section 4 of the Act as a case where a person occupies a position where they are expected to safeguard the financial interests of another person, and abuses that position; this includes cases where the abuse consisted of an omission rather than an overt act.

    Now this is interesting as Goudie was claiming to be a lawyer so his position was totally fraudulent.

    In all three classes of fraud, it requires that for an offence to have occurred, the person must have acted dishonestly, and that they had to have acted with the intent of making a gain for themselves or anyone else, or inflicting a loss (or a risk of loss) on another.

    It's a pity these people aren't treated like paedophiles and child abusers. The Sexual Offences Act 2003 enables British citizens and residents who commit sexual offences against children overseas to be prosecuted in England, Wales and Northern Ireland.[40][41] Similar provisions are in force in Scotland under the Criminal Law (Consolidation) (Scotland) Act 1995.[42] Some of the offences carry penalties of up to life imprisonment and anyone found guilty will be placed on the Sex Offenders Register.

    The U.S and Australia has similar laws. Thailand has strong laws so hopefully justice will eventually be seen to be done.

  4. Barry Kenyon's MBE was thoroughly deserved and his subsequent helpfulness at Immigration was legendary. Every 90 days I listened to Barry courteously and patiently explain the same questions again and again, in English, Thai and French. However my most memorable moment was when a voluptuous Thai lady in sports bra and miniscule skirt came in: the Thai Immigration man who is always at the desk muttered to Barry in Thai "please tell her to leave and come back more suitably dressed" which Barry politely did in Thai: the lady rotated thru 180 degrees but as she got to the door she stuck her head out and looked up to see the name of the building. You could see she was thinking a Farang has just asked me to leave a Thai Government Building! I look forward to Barry's book when it comes out.

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