Foreign criminals wearing suits and ties and Rolex watches may fool tourism ministry officials who have been tasked to screen incoming tourists to ensure they are of quality, it was feared today.

It is also feared the same characters fool young Isaan women into believing they were people of substance and obtain goods by pretences.

The fears were raised after Premier Prayut Chan-ocha condemned the quality of tourist attracted to Thailand’, and sought out higher class tourists who would spend more in Thailand to counter the recent 20 per cent drop.

But suits have been ruled as ‘good’ as for years now Thailand has been able to attract spivs, con-men, perverts, of a considerable high spending nature.

They have been attracted by Thailand’s ‘A policeman is your friend’ partnership offers, which guarantee no investigation of foreigner on foreigner fraud and instant ‘non prosecution papers’ issued on a monthly basis. The latter scheme was initiated by police in Bangkok and recipients were also given an ‘I am a friend of Police Card’.

Tourism and immigration officials have been instructed to watch out for large groups of tourists, often accompanied, by elderly people, who will be subject to means testing on arrival.

groups like this could be banned if they fail means tests

Officials are now given being charts showing what to look for on arrival and to assess the tourists accordingly. They are looking out for in particular people with lower inner eyebrows, shallow cheekbones, and thin chins. People with these features could have their names entered into a lottery and win a resurrected Thailand VIP Elite Card.
Courtesy Princeton University

Women who may not fit into a bikini or if they do look ugly and can sink five buckets of vodka-lipo in half an hour are also being waived through quickly to Thailand’s southern islands.

A tourism ministry spokesman said: “What we do not want is attractive, university educated women, from good families. These women will not put out to the local population and might look down on them and this could enrage local feelings. And quite frankly there is nothing we can do in those inadequacy situations”.

Australia is aiding and abetting the scheme by providing lists of some of its better off guests and will even stamp ‘No Re-Entry to Australia’ on their passports to ensure Thailand has long stay tourists during the quieter months.

Aus Aid

A spokesman added: “The sort of tourist we are looking for is in his late fifties, wears a suit, and can continually repeat ‘I love Thailand and its people’ while sending bouquets of flowers and gifts to local officials.

“If he fits that demographic he will enjoy his holiday.”


  1. This is absolutely hilarious. Obviously totally true…:)

    It must be said Thailand has attracted the wrong people for the wrong reason's. Is there any wonder why this is happening?

    Take Pattya. I know the types of people who are heading out to that resort. There are some of the worst of the criminals, low life chav gangster's going out there for what they can get. Cheap sex. Ripping people off. There was one story I was told about a guy from Blackburn. He lived out there and was paying a police officer off I don't know what for (friend of police). But he had some maids who went into clean the hotels. They would clone the credit cards they found, and this guy would book flights and holidays for his chav mates.They called it Ginger tours because he had red hair. This guy is now back in the UK with stomach cancer. Good karma that isn't it. I don't know why I didn't blow this arsehole up.

    Regarding the full moon party. It's a got to be one of the most damaging adverts for popular culture. This hype around a meat market that attracts weird hippies that take magic mushrooms dance in an anti-social manner to psytrance. You have these supposedly middle class university graduates on their gap years, binging on Whiskey buckets like what you would expect of some of the scruffiest slappers that you would see around Blackpool on a Saturday night. I cannot see the attraction to this event. Its not Glastonbury.

    I will let you into a secret here. Dance cultures have got so much bad press which many things the media scare people about are not true.

    I used to attend an event called the Southport Soul weekender. This was held every 6 months at Pontins Southport since 1990-2010. It was a sell out 5000 capacity crowd without out the aid of mass media advertisements. It attracted a crowd of veterans from the northern soul era, jazz funk era, and acid house era. Who would descend on this event from all corners of the country and even abroad. The age group was between 30-60 years of age. Loads of old soul boys there. Everybody took MDMA, and there was a 24 hour bar. I never ever saw anyone as drunk as the full moon party. No one ever stepping out of line. It was so inspirational. The world friendliest party it was dubbed. 20 years this ran for with no hassles, let alone causalities. I think this is important information because everybody thinks all drugs are bad. They are not.

    What is happening at that full moon party is one hell of a danger waiting to happen. How many festivals in the UK or around the world for that matter have a morgue?

    Thailand's JUNTA show you mean business and kick that police force into touch. Turn your country into one that attracts some of the most authentic, educated, respectful and morally decent people from around the world (I am sure it does do this now but there are a hell of a lot of the wrong type going there and this is bad for the rest of the tourist industry and the country).

    Brilliant post by the way. I love it…

  2. Nothing new in this idea, it is floated every 10 years or so and plays to a local audience who think Thaialnd is beautiful and unique and fabulous compared to anywhere else and can command much more money. It is all bull, Thailand is not what it was and it attracts tourists who do not have a lot of cash but want cheap beer, cheap sex and cheap tours and cheap hotels.

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